


Occult Pride & Ethereal Prejudice

by Rachiel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Pride and Prejudice Fusion, Classism however is a go, Good Omens Rom Com Event, I will not add all the character that appear because I'm lazy and there are a lot, M/M, Queer af - Freeform, period-typical homophobia? I don't know her, some have different genders, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23651242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachiel/pseuds/Rachiel
Summary: A Good Omens version of Pride &  Prejudice. That's it. Rather boring really.Due to Coronachan updates, for now, will be every fortnight. Should things calm down I'll try to make it weekly but currently work is hell.Miss Austen I'm sorry.Many thanks to my betaTawnyOwland the entire GO Events discord server that is ever so helpful and only partially comprised of crazy table spinsters.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17
Collections: Good Omens Rom Com Event





	Occult Pride & Ethereal Prejudice

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single person in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife… or maybe husband… or… you know what? Let’s just go with “companion”.  
Said (un)fortunate person does not have a say in that matter, for however little known the feelings or views of such a being may be on first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that they are considered as the rightful property of one or other of their offspring.  
Thus it is no wonder that the announced arrival of one Newton Pulsifer who was said to have four or five thousand a year caused a great upheaval in the Janthony house that occupied not one but five potential companions. Said upheaval led to Lady Tracy being rudely interrupted by her wife Mary Loquacious while reading cards in her study.  
“You won’t believe what I’ve just heard!” As it was her custom she did not wait for an answer but chattered on, “Jasmin Manor is let at last! To a young man of fortune no less! He has come down from London in his chaise two days past and was so taken with the place, who could blame him really it is rather lovely and the park is just splendid, so he took it there and then can you believe it? It is said he will take possession of it before Michaelmas and the first of his servants are to arrive in a week. And!” she exclaimed without so much as taking a breath “he is SINGLE! Can you believe our luck? A nice gentleman from the North with a fortune directly on our doorstep, well not directly but you know what I mean. We must make haste and introduce ourselves to him as soon as his arrival is confirmed so we can invite him to meet the children, one of them must surely catch his eye, Anathema has been growing more lovely all summer and Crowley’s flaming locks could bewitch almost anyone, thou he could profit from gaining a bit more weight, don’t you think my Love? Bee and Liane are still young but so spirited they can enchant everyone and Dagon, well true I admit she is a bit lacking when it comes to looks but ever so talented at the piano. Jasmin Manor would make a lovely home for any of them and I would love at least one of them stay nearby, not that I would oppose them moving away if a good match was to be made, for sure, but it would be a solace to know some of them nearby once old age arrives…” and so it went on and on for quite some time while Lady Tracy finished her card reading lulled by chirping of her wives voice humming a ‘Yes my love’ ever so often.  


~*~

  
So it came to pass that shortly after Newton Pulsifer arrived in his new home Lady Tracy, the official head of the Janthony household, paid him a visit thus obliging him to return the favour which would naturally lead to a dinner invitation and in Mary Laquaciou’s head just as naturally to one of her children getting married. Her plan encountered its first problem, when Newton Pulsifer repaid the visit while she was out with the children and all they got to see of the gentleman was his figure dashing off on his horse as they came back from their constitutional. The second came when Mr. Pulsifer politely declined the invitation to dinner, he had to go to the city for a spell and had to postpone the invitation. Thus the first time they all met their new neighbour was at a ball two weeks later.  


~*~

  
It was a small country ball, a jolly affair with little to no ceremony. The room was alive with laughter, dancing and gossip when the man of the hour finally arrived. Contrary to predictions and speculations it was only a party of three, one lady, two gentlemen. All mothers breathed a sigh of relief as the word spread that the lady was Mr Pulsifer’s sister Michael, unwed. The second gentleman, just a friend, and himself eligible with an even bigger fortune than Mr Pulsifer himself. One Mr Azriel Fell with no less than a 40,000-acre estate in South Downs and fifteen thousand pounds a year who was proclaimed an angel and that only partially due to the bright haloesque hair. That lasted for about an hour for which he stood almost entirely near a candelabra nose deep in a book only looking up and setting it aside when Mr Pulsifer or his sister spoke to him. Then he was proclaimed unagreeable, bookish to a fault and a snob.  
The only person partial to him at the end of the night, aside from his own party, was little Dagon who (after valiantly trying to entertain with her music in one of the salons and failing in the ruckus) spend most of the night stealing glances from across the room at the man so absorbed in a book playing with the ribbons in her hair.

Mary made sure that the Janthonys were the second family to be introduced to the guest of honor and presented their children with a bit more pride than strictly necessary, especially considering the long faces of Bee and Liane who had been dragged away from the dance and wore their displeasure openly. Crowley took a good long look at Mr Pulsifer trying to collect every detail, Mary had insisted that Anathema left her glasses at home so he knew it would be his duty to describe all the little details to his sister later. Pulsifer’s sister gave everyone an icy glance that fit all too well into her all around cold demeanor and aesthetic. The pale blue silk of her gown almost looked as if it was made of ice, she was very fashionable and beautiful in the way things that are meant to be kept behind glass are beautiful, unattainable and rigid. Fell barely looked at them beyond a curt bow of his head during the introduction. Though Crowley thought that Fell’s eyes might have lingered on him as Crowley was introduced by his first name, like the girls, making his mother's intentions clear.  
There had been a time where he loathed the thought of being married off like his sisters, but the law was not on their side. He would inherit nothing worth mentioning so a husband was his best bet to maintain some form of social status. The estate of Hellwater would go to some distant relation of his mother Tracy since all her children were adopted and by the rules of the estate were not eligible to inherit. It was an old and unfair law and one Tracy hadn’t mind agreeing to when she took ownership of it. She had never expected to get married or have children and now it was all set and done and all they could hope for was to get the children settled well.  
Pulsifer, himself a lanky nervous looking fellow, seemed only too eager to escape further introductions and insisted on dancing with every single one of them, starting right there and then with the eldest. Happily their mother pressed Anathema's hand into that of Mr. Pulsifer and watched them go, somewhat akwardly almost stumbling, to the dance floor. Once there Anathema took the reins, even without her glasses she had danced here often enough to lead the way with confidence and Pulsifer didn’t seem to mind.  
As promised, Pulsifer then danced with Crowley and the rest of his sisters, much to the lament of their collective feet that were stepped on repeatedly, always followed by a litany of apologies. Bee and Liane told their mother they would not endure a second round no matter how rich the man was and Crowley was fairly certain that Pulsifer had only danced with him out of courtesy. Dagon, never much for dancing ,hid away once her obligation was fulfilled.  
As befitted his station the guest of honor Pulsifer dutifully danced with Hyla, the daughter of the host, as well as with the daughters of all the important guests. But in the end found his way back to Anathema for no less than two more before the night was done. Crowley wondered how her poor feet could endure that, but Anathema had always been a woman of strong will.

The number of dances Pulsifer absolved with his sister did not go unnoticed, especially since, as usual, men were in short supply which led to some discord among the girls. Dancing with his best friend he could hear a group of girls lament that there were enough partners available and some (read one) of the eligible ones did not dance.  
Crowley and Hyla laughed breathlessly as they finished their rather spirited dance and they sat down on a couch next to the sideboard Fell’s candelabra of choice was perched on, and with no intention of doing so they both overheard a conversation Fell and Pulsifer were having.

“Fell, you did not come to a ball just to read all night! Come dance. It is ever so much fun and the people are so charming! I will not have you stand about when there is so much fun to be had.”  
“Hardly,” was the clipped reply  
“Oh, but it is if you’d only give it a try. So many lovely people. Surely one of them can tempt you to the dance floor, like my partner.” He smiled as if he was not sure if what he was saying was the truth.  
“Yes, well, your partner is agreeable, I give you that but Michael is quite occupied and you know it would be unbearable for me to stand up with someone else.”  
“How about Anathema's brother? He is rather fetching, is he not? Have you seen his hair?”  
“Ah yes, red. Rather vulgar but I suppose it looks torelable on him. Still, nothing that would tempt me. Go back to your partner and leave me be Newt, do not waste your time.” After a pause he added for some reason, “She is beautiful.”  
Mr. Pulsifer considered for a moment and then gave in, leaving Fell behind while. Crowley slowly got up and left the room closely followed by Hyla.  
Once she found her friend in the hall leaning against the wall by a window half hidden behind the curtain she placed her hand on his arm and whispered.“Don’t mind him, Crowley, he is most disagreeable everybody says so.”  
Crowley laughed and shook his head “I suppose it is a bit vulgar.” He ran a hand through his hair. “What a miserable sod, I suppose I should be happy he didn’t mention my grotesque eyes as well.”  
“He is lucky he has such a big estate. With his manners he can hardly hope for a match that is not after his fortune. I’ve heard he owns almost half of South Downs.”  
“Most like he only owns all the libraries South Downs.” He stopped and continued with an affected air. “Anything else would be unbearable.” They both laughed.

~*~

The first thing Anathema did as they came back home was to grab her brother and drag him into her room. She put on her glasses and started to undress while Crowley threw himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling.  
“Tell me EVERYTHING!” She sighed.  
“‘S not much to tell really. I’d much rather know how your feet are not swollen Pulsifer was a terrible dancer!”  
“No he wasn’t! He danced just fine. He was a bit tongue tied though, or maybe he just wasn’t that interested in me, I had to do all the talking.”  
“Of course he wasn’t! That's why he danced three times with you, all due to his lack of interest! And he WAS a bad dancer, no need to protect him. Bee’s, Liane’s and Dagon’s feet agree with mine. You should see the mark he left on Bee’s slippers. Mommy had to hold them back or they would have made a scene!”  
“He danced just fine with me, he didn’t step on me once!” Anathema insisted.  
“Fine, maybe love gave him wings when he danced with you.” Crowley sighed and rolled onto his belly looking at her as she brushed out her hair. “Do you think red hair is vulgar?”  
Anathema’s face had gone all soft as he mentioned love but snapped to indigent at his question “What? No! Who said that? Your hair is stunning, don’t let anyone tell you differently! Who said it?”  
“No one important.” He sighed, rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “Maybe finding employment isn’t the worst idea. With a little luck, I could support myself and Dagon… uncle Arthur is not too bad off and how hard can it be to be a lawyer?”  
Anathema set her brush aside and crawled onto the bed to look down at him. “What brought this on? Not that you couldn’t be a lawyer I’m sure you’d be splendid at it if you set your mind to it but what?” Raising an eyebrow and pouting her lips she added, “And should I be offended that you only think to support Dagon? What about the rest of us?”  
He laughed. “He danced with you three times! You are practically married and I trust Bee to bully someone into marrying them and find someone for Liane. That leaves just me and Dagon… you know how hard it will be to find someone suitable for someone like her.”  
Anathema played with his hair and hmed in response. “True it will not be easy for her… but you will find a husband easy, your hair is stunning and I will not tolerate anyone saying differently. So no more talk about work, we aren't as desperate yet!”  
Not yet, Crowley thought, give it a few more years. But he didn’t say anything but got on with his duty as his sister's eyes, describing the indiscriptive Mr Pulcifer as best as he could and giving a somewhat unfavourable account of Mr Fell before describing Michael’s dress in great detail and awe after all that’s what balls were all about.


End file.
